Posted in August 2008

Rebel Girls

Something else happened in France, besides my birthday. Something totally and unspeakably horrible. I heard the Katy Perry song (“I Kissed A Girl”, and you can Google it if you must) all the way through for the first time, and felt the way Twisty Faster must feel all the time.

It’s obviously a grotesque piece of exploitative gender roles trash. It’s autotuned. It doesn’t help that her marketing campaign, with all the knowing vintagey-ness, is infuriatingly close to pushing my consumer buttons, giving me an extra little shudder of self-loathing. And the song itself is a repellent farce of pop composition, winking so hard about its cherry-chapstick lezzing off that it seems to be having a three-minute stroke (as, indeed, are the FHM readers at whom this production is aimed). I mean, the convention of girlie-flirting in pop songs is well established. We all know that Britney didn’t actually go home for a sticky romp with Madonna after the MTV awards kiss, because of course it was just for show. So the Perry song is doubly insulting, not just for playing around with tawdry faux lesbianism, but for explicitly stating the fauxness of it all. “I kissed a girl just to try it”, “No big deal, it’s innocent”, “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” – which he won’t, because as the song points out, “Us girls, we are so magical. Soft skin, red lips, so kissable”, and if nothing’s hard then no-one can possibly be having sex, can they?

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A Little Softness To Wish Me A Cordial Birthday

Yes, I am un an de plus, and I am tempted to spend all future birthdays in France – not only do the French do cards with wool, they also do thoroughly decent yarn shops on sleepy market squares:

from which a girl can get a thoroughly decent birthday present:

(And even though nothing in my bag was especially French, I maintain that there is something Gallic about the little cat faces. They just seem knowing.)

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Finished: Bridie And The Beach

Pattern: Bridie by Anna Bell, from Knit Knit (Ravelry links all).

Size: medium.

Yarn: Rowan Wool Cotton (50% cotton, 50% wool), shade 900, 9 balls.

Needles: Addi Lace 3.75mm.

Tension: 22 sts and 30 rows to 4″x4″.

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Family Pages: Grooving On Up

Something for the Venue family section.

Grooving On Up

Many parents dream of a big night out, but once you’ve booked a babysitter, nightlife can be a disillusioning experience. If you want to hear the tunes you love but you don’t fancy a theme night, if you want a friendly crowd but not too friendly, if you want to dance but you need to be up bright and early with the children, there isn’t that much out there. So what do you do when you’re not ready to give up nightlife, but the nightlife isn’t making the effort to keep up with you? If you’re a Groovy Mama, you stop waiting for the next wedding or birthday to bring the party to you, and you make your own. Continue reading

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Further On Fashion

Portfolio magazine on luxury fashion’s vague shrug towards responsible manufacturing practices.

In a January report, investment research firm Innovest’s list of the 100 most responsible corporations included no luxury conglomerates [...] Innovest’s list, oddly, does include two leading retailers in the wasteful “fast fashion” movement—H&M and Inditex, which owns the Zara chain. It’s hard to be truly green with a business model that compels customers to frequently throw out what they own. Unfortunately, luxury fashion has begun taking cues from fast fashion, putting itself at odds with its exclusive nature. Whereas couturiers once made design statements as part of an ongoing evolution—creating new jackets that would go with last year’s dresses—fast fashion introduces clothes nonstop, zigzagging through multiple styles each season. Forced obsolescence drives consumers to buy more. This may sound like a shrewd business practice, but overproduction leads to overconsumption: The more we buy, the more we discard. That’s environmentally heedless—and it’s ugly.

For Portfolio, one of the key points here is that by chasing the throwaway fashion dollar, luxury fashion has been unwittingly degrading its own marketplace. A jacket that matches last season’s skirt implies a select clientele of repeat customers, picking out essential pieces season after season. The novelty-hungry trend seekers who rummage through H&M and Zara are, by their nature, not very loyal: they don’t have a relationship to the things they buy, and they don’t have a relationship to the places they buy them either.

Couture design and crafting can’t respond to the rapid turnover of street fashion. By inciting a furious desire for new beauty every season, the designer brands have summoned up a demand for copycats who can supply quick-turnaround product. Susan Scafidi’s solution to this problem is to espouse copyright protection for fashion designs – a proposal which, despite my sympathy for designers, seems neither very workable nor fair nor desirable. It doesn’t serve to change the self-immolating business model which Portfolio picks up on, either. Portfolio offers a different remedy which combines sustainability with exclusivity:

try to imagine a high-end fashion giant responding to our overtaxed environment by embracing traditional methods that are both more luxurious and less ephemeral. Now that would be a radical new design.

For domestic knitters and tailors, this isn’t that radical at all – if you are a competent needleworker, then you’re all set to be your own couturier. Luxury fashion is racing to catch up with your knitting bag…

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Theatre Review: Romeo And Juliet

Originally published in Venue, issue 829. Venue’s teaser for Globe Touring’s upcoming performance of A Winter’s Tale in Bristol describes the show I review below as “triumphant”, so apparently my editor would have bumped the final score up by a star.

Globe Touring: Romeo And Juliet

The play might have a rep for romance, but the love story is the palest part of this outdoor Romeo and Juliet. Alan Morrissey and Dominique Bull in the leads come off second best to the physical comedy of their respective foils – a dashing, clowning Mercutio in the shape of Nitzan Sharron, and Marsha Henry’s bawdy, bustling nurse (although by casting the one black actor as a big smutty servant, the production picks up an unsavoury tang of Gone With The Wind). An emphasis on broad comedy and low violence keeps the play brisk and sharp, even though the lovers’ lack of spark means you occasionally forget just why everyone is rushing headlong to the crypt.

After nightfall, the production picks up atmosphere for the last two acts. The staging (featuring a VW Camper and two strings of fairy lights) becomes transformative in the dark, and the venue – an old bowling green, sunken and secluded – comes to life. The leads’ awkward imitation of teenage infatuation gives way to a much more satisfying portrayal of desperation, and the pall-bearing finale is almost a tear-jerker. But so long as you remember the umbrella and the picnic, there’s really no need to cry.

***

ROMEO AND JULIET, BRANDON HILL PARK, BRISTOL, THURS 31ST JULY – SUN 3RD AUGUST

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Cakewood!

In January, me and Cupcake Rachel had an idea on the Gchats, inspired by an especially chocolatey round of baking which she was kind enough to share with me:

1:07 PM me: The cookies are whispering to me!
They want me to eat them all!
Now!
1:09 PM Rachel: I can always make more!
1:10 PM You’d better do as they say, or they’ll feel rejected, become cookie hermits, and then flee the tin on a murderous rampage!
1:11 PM me: I wish you’d do that as an illustrated series.
1:13 PM It could be Achewood for baked goods…
Cakewood!
1:15 PM Rachel: Gasp!
GENIUS!!!
1:16 PM me: I thought of that while eating a cookie, so it’s definitely the will of the cookie hermits, and something you should do forthwith!
1:20 PM Rachel: I knew Nigella was good, but I never expected her to come up with sentient telepathic cookies!
It took a while to understand where this inspiration was headed, but when our Achewood-loving, cheesecake-devouring friend Joel announced that he was moving to London to pursue the shining star of men’s lifestyle journalism, we finally knew. Cakewood was born…
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Someone Cares

“Rachael! Come back! Look at this! I TOTALLY WROTE THIS! LOOK!”

One day, seeing my own words as pull-quotes on a theatre billboard will not lead me to bellow down the street at my sister to share my excitement. And then, my friends, I will be a Real Writer.

Not yet, though.

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