“Who is wearing what, and why!”

Grazia magazine, you have brought me many joys. You savagely upended the market for both women’s tabloid mags and the fashion glossy. You have taught me the ways of “treggings” and “jeggings”, and in what instances these items should be tucked into my gladiator sandals. And, all too briefly, you provided a venue for Liz Jones’ marital squabbling.

Cheryl-Cole-Grazia-Front-CoverFor most magazines, those would be achievements enough. But Grazia has given so much more, because Grazia has also inspired Adam and Joe to create these magnificent musical settings of one issue for a Song Wars outing. Confessional journalism in a calypso style, and the existential confusion of reading the contents page – let’s go!

Too Beautiful For A Cranky Old Bag Like Me (Adam)

This Week In Grazia (Joe)

Download the Adam and Joe Song Wars Classics podcast.

Text © Sarah Ditum, 2009

New favourite song: Valentine

Today is a bright, clean, post-pub sort of day – exactly the sort of morning which is improved by a driving, yearning, glossy pop song. Valentine starts with a rush and doesn’t let up. All the way to the middle eight, it feels like nothing but chorus, pursuing its ‘love-as-natural-disaster’ metaphor irresistibly: “Tell me, when did the water surround me?” coos the singer, like someone who doesn’t mind drowning at all. And then it all holds back for a moment before the song resurges in a cascade of sweet falsetto moans and the muscular Trevor Horn production propels it all home. Delays should be absolutely enormous and the failure of the pop-buying world to make them so is basically a massive stain on humanity.

And speaking of how amazing Trevor Horn is, Joe’s 80s song wars entry is a bit perfect.

Joe’s Incredible Song